Preparing to leave on a jet plane

I'm looking forward to continuing my gaijin blog when I get to Korea. I always have fun trying to explain the customs and practices of another culture to friends and family back in the United States. These things, in addition to taking lots and lots of pictures, serve as a wonderful souvenir for myself and help jog memories when they get too old to come willingly.

I still haven't managed to start studying Korean, which will cause problems if I don't get started soon. I did make the effort to order a textbook to help me teach myself after I asked a couple of my friends what books they used in school. The book should be here Friday, along with a USB charger for my Nintendo DS--which appears to be the only one of my electronics that will not be able to survive the voltage of a Korean outlet. The next most important thing on my list is getting socks. You can never have too many, and right now I have far too few. I mean, what good are immunizations going to do me if I don't have socks to keep my feet dry and disease free?

I have a new found love of the state of California, which in addition to providing me with weeks of gorgeous weather and beautiful scenery is now putting my tax dollars to work in a way that I actually understand. I was worried about going to the local clinic to get a needed check-up, but when I got there I found out that not only was the appointment free of charge, but I got a year's worth of medication at no cost to me. I was so happy I made a donation--$25 is still a fraction of what I would have paid with insurance alone. I can almost forgive them for ruining my phone on this happy day.

small things

I do love California.

Despite the fact that I'm sleeping on a couch in an office that doubles as the rec room, and despite the fact that I think my cat's fleas are trying to eat me alive, I'm enjoying my few weeks of living at home. My parents have a nice house--I have a balcony and a TV in this little office, and the fridge is always stocked with good food. I even have a library card so I can check out as many books as I can possibly read.

Still trying to get everything in order for my big move next month. I've had some problems fighting with the CA Department of Justice and the CDC, but all that pales in comparison to the terrible tragedy that befell my phone last week. It came, it saw, but in the end the ocean conquered. I have a new phone now, but its nowhere near as awesome as my old phone. I suppose its not a big deal since I'm not going to be in the country long enough to really care about this phone. Bleh.

No expectations

A friend of mine wrote a post recently about people who use blogspot or livejournal or whatnot tend to focus their angsty dark thoughts and consequently drive away readers with their whining. I hope I'm not whining, but then again, I also don't think I have the problem of having readers, so no one cares what I write or why I write it, and I kinda like it that way. Obviously this isn't my main venue--I mostly stick to journals because it looks prettier and forces me to really think about what I put on paper. I like not writing for an audience. I'm sure that there are occasional readers here, but I don't know them and chances are they don't know me. So here's my salute to no expectations! Wooooo!

I leave Saturday for San Diego to spend some time with my family and get my documents together for Korea (the job I interviewed for over the phone a couple weeks ago). I'm excited that I get to go, despite any apprehension about moving across the Pacific and living somewhere I don't speak the language. I still have time to learn I suppose.

The colloquial language barrier

I knew when I decided to start interviewing for positions in another country that I would be facing some problems with the interview process. I mean, most Americans can't speak English correctly; some days I don't know why the rest of the world even tries. I'm not trying to make a comment about the poor quality of most foreigners' English, but rather, I wonder why the world has to operate in one of the most difficult languages to learn. Let's ignore the fact that the United States is the keeper of international order for just one second. Is it too late to change the official language of our country to something a little easier to teach...like sign language?

I'd like to think that my English isn't the worst in the world, however, in interviewing with people whose first language is not English, you start to notice some of the idioms and phrases you use that probably aren't recognizable to someone who hasn't grown up in the U.S. I just now really realized that I have the tendency to shorten my "to a" to "ta". I say "ya" when I mean "yes". And while I haven't noticed anything in my speech in particular, I know there are plenty of people who interject every other phrase with "like". I'm not just talking about young people either. I had a teacher who would say "um" at least 400 times per class (believe me, we counted). And I'm not even going to get into the accents that people in this country have, some of which make them completely unintelligible to almost everyone else.

After my interview today, the man who I was speaking to stopped and asked me where I was from, because apparently of all the people he had interviewed for the position, I was the most well enunciated of the lot. Apparently my "ta"s and occasional "um"s weren't enough to keep me from getting my meaning across. I just wonder about all those other people that poor man had to try to decipher before me....

Positive Thoughts

Strange things have been happening, strange strange things.... I have an interview tonight and another one tomorrow. As each day passes it seems more and more likely that I'm going to be moving soon, and it's a pretty big move that I am considering. Affording it will be another matter, but if it is the right thing for me to be doing with my life at this time, then I suppose it will all come together. Just need to keep a positive thought that everything will come together.

Something I think about

Just in case anyone was wondering, the job market right now sucks.

I've been toying with the idea of turning this into a blog about the difficulties facing young graduates these days--a first hand account of the trials and tribulations of a former student trying to find employment. I don't know that I consider myself an ideal subject of discussion for an entire page, considering that I'm don't know if I'm a typical college graduate. I'm indecisive, I don't know exactly what I want to do with my life or where I'm really going. I have some vague general ideas and desires for my life, but in the grand scheme of things I have no clue how I'm going to get there. If there are more graduates like me, the biggest problem that I'm facing is not the lack of job opportunities that I'm qualified to fill, or the not having a clear direction for my life, but rather it is the feeling of being incapable of finding employment, the constant feeling of inadequacy. I want to write about these things but I don't know if any one would read it, or if it would help anyone but me. Just something I think about.

Still trying, still looking, still accepting any suggestions or help that anyone can throw my way. Until then I'm going to keep on chugging along....

just the stress

Just gotta remind yourself, its just the stress talking...

Exactly one month from today, I will be attending the first of my two graduation ceremonies and starting down that irreversible path to adulthood. As of this moment, I have not yet found a job or an apartment, and with all the work that I'm currently putting in to school I don't really have time to find either. My entire live these past couple of weeks has been one giant crying, nauseous mess...

Of course I'm trying hard to keep my spirits up. Had a wonderful Easter with my friends and am looking forward to the joy of graduation dress shopping later this weekend. Even got myself a cute new haircut to try to improve my outlook, but its all a little difficult right now. When everything you eat makes you feel sick, and everything you do feels as though its just not good enough, its just very debilitating. I need a break, someone to throw me some help, so I can figure out what in the hell I'm doing wrong and what I can do to correct it. And unfortunately, I've got to figure this out soon, otherwise I'm going to be homeless and hopeless come May 18th...

I wish I had something happier to say, but between a long distance relationship I'm not really sure about, friends who can't wait to get out of here (and consequently leave me behind) and a mess of homework and end-of-semester shit that is quickly piling up, I feel like the happy I have is momentary and shallow. I really hope seeing my nephew next weekend will change that. I just need something to start going right.

public service announcement

Boys and thesis papers do not go well together. Just in case anyone was wondering.

concentration lacking

My ability to concentrate during the day is something of a joke. No matter how long I sit here, I get out bits and pieces of what I need to be doing, but my mind is always and forever someplace else. I don't know if the better course of action is going to be to just sit here and wait it out, or to go do something else in the meantime until my attention span is longer than that of a gnat. I suppose I need to just stay where I am. Even if I'm only getting little snips done now, its better than if I were to go somewhere and just do nothing all day. I can't just wait till it gets dark outside every time I have something I need to do.

Its demoralizing not to live up to your own expectations. I've been told that I set mine too high and that I need to be more understanding of myself. I'm working on it...slowly. I definitely don't want to be one of those people who just doesn't get anything done with their life because they didn't push themselves at all to be a better person. I couldn't handle that. I just need to try to find some focus. Maybe I should start taking all that yoga stuff seriously....

still alive...ish

You know, even if I had had time to write, I'm not sure what I would have said. The past month has been busy and emotional and crazy--and every time I have a minute to myself I feel like there are a thousand things that I should be doing instead of writing. Like working on my thesis, or trying to find a job--you know, something like that. I finally have a moment sitting here in my history class when i should be paying attention to my teacher, but even now I know that I can't really focus on thinking of something provocative to say because I have to study for a vocab and grammar quiz for my next class, and after that I really should go to the library and spend a couple of hours working on things for my thesis or studying for an exam I have next week. "So much to do and so little time" seems to be the mantra by which I am currently living my life.

All in all, these things are such that no one should really want to hear about them, but they are all I can think about. Not interesting for anyone, especially me. I will have to think about what I want to say carefully, and post something in a fit of procrastination some time later this week.

Of stalkers and sickness

I love it how the school makes it so easy for us to stalk the people that work at the radio station. The website comes equipped with three separate cameras that feed live from the studio so you can watch your favorite radio personalities talk it up while simultaneously listening to them. This combined with the fact that I was talking to my friend while the music was going, it was just kinda creepy. I would hate be sitting in that room thinking that someone could be watching me the entire time. Good thing most people at this school have no idea we even have a radio station.

Much to do today and then this week, and I have to avoid getting sick in the process. I want to be all kinds of healthy when I leave on my vacation this weekend. However, I must balance being healthy (i.e. sleeping 7-8 hours a night, taking my vitamins, exercising, etc) with the need to stay locked up in the library for hours on end so I can pass my first round of midterms this week. Maybe it's a little melodramatic to think of your problems this way, but I like to turn everything into a "life or death" situation, particularly when there isn't a lot going on and I need some entertainment. In this case, should I maintain my physical health at the cost of my grades, or do I offer myself up to the gods of academia and pray for their understanding whilst I am battling that which plagues all men--the common cold? Only time will tell....

trials and tribulations

Well then, since I have acquired a source of income and have spent nearly all the money I received from the school, I think it is time to settle down and start making plans for the rest of my life. Or the beginning of the rest of my life. Something along those lines.

My new year's resolutions have been difficult to keep up. I've been making a genuine effort, but all the stress has been sabotaging my attempts to eat more healthy, which has been immensely frustrating for me. I feel like I need help, but I'm unsure where to turn. Clearly my own efforts are falling short of where I want to be, and contrary to the life view that a friend of mine has, I don't think that chiding myself for being unable to do things on my own is going to get me anywhere. I don't believe that man is an island completely able to survive on its own. I believe that we need people, and that just setting your mind to numb isn't the best way to get where you want to go. (Quite frankly, I find his views more depressing than helpful, and it has been a source of a lot of tension between said friend and I, but that is for another blog) As I've said though, I'm unsure where I should turn for help, and being unsure has resulted in additional stress that isn't helping me through this time. I am still making the effort, and I need to continue to make the effort.

I'm trying to stay on top of work at the moment, but concentration is increasinly hard to come by. I think it has something to do with my class schedule, which, while awesome, only has me exercising intellectual ability twice a week. Hopefully working twice a week will give me some structure in my life, so that I'm better able to focus. Working will also give me some income, an opportunity to save for the post-graduate life I have to ease in to.

Another friend gave me some good advice the other day--keep taking classes at a community college while you're taking time off between your undergrad at graduate schooling--it will help you keep your mind sharp and give you the opportunity to continue to learn new things. I already know what I would take if I could--something technology related to give me some skills that will be useful in a professional sense, and then a language. Probably Korean right now, since that's my next language on the list of ones that I want to learn, but after that there is also Chinese, Italian, and Arabic. Though, truth be told, taking more Japanese classes would probably be a good idea as well, since after I graduate there will be no way to keep up with everything I've learned over the past four years. Another something to look into in a couple months. Right now I should be focused on the book report I have to do by Tuesday and the midterm exams I have coming up in a week.

ever so lazy

On days like this, I really think that sloth is going to be what kills me.

It's barely past 5, but somehow I am so tired that all I want to do is say screw you to the rest of my day and just go to bed. This would be a bad idea for several reasons, but the more I can't find something to do the more I think that those reasons are a bunch of b.s. Must find something to distract self, or my sleep schedule will never get back on track. >.<

In other related news, I need either a job or a hobby to keep me busy. This whole doing nothing all the time thing is not going so well.

freak out!

My roommate says that I shouldn't be freaking out about my life and future right now, but I don't know that I agree. I think I have quite a bit to freak out about, regardless of the fact that I know that freaking out isn't going to do any good for anyone. Freaking out is still doing something, right? Something is better than nothing.

Just a little bit too much going on in my head right now. Four months doesn't seem like a lot of time for some reason. I have plans and wants and desires, but getting there....well getting there is going to be something else. Just gotta keep all the crazy in my head until then.

I wonder if its possible to the metal of an earring to get them out of your ears. I have no clue how to get them out otherwise.

Crowded

Why is it that all the cool jobs I want to do require either a graduate degree or some kind of experience in the field for which I'd be working. Seems like it would make it more difficult to get into a line of work, not less.

I had a little bit of a freak out today over a cup of all things, and then spent the rest of the evening trying not to kill someone over it. Tomorrow is the inauguration, so I didn't take my customary middle of the afternoon nap. I need to sleep tonight if there is any hope of me waking up and actually making it down to the National Mall tomorrow morning. A friend and I are supposed to be heading down there some time in the AM, though whether that means we'll be leaving really early or not has yet to be decided. I have already resigned myself to the fact that I'm not going to be able to see a damn thing tomorrow, much less hear anything over the din of the crowd that will be gathering, but it still seems that just by being there I will be witnessing history (never mind the fact that I'm obviously too short to see over anyone's head).

I must say though, I am quite ready to be done with all of the people who have migrated to the city in the past couple of days. The majority of them mind their own business, pay for what they take, and don't give native inhabitants like me any problems. Others, however, decorate themselves with pictures of dead fetuses and walk around in areas where there are children in plain sight. Others sit on the street corners begging for food like a homeless person, despite the fact that there are real people who really do need food out there. It just bothers me. I'm excited for the whole thing, but at the same time I could do without all the people who dive all the way here to see it.

I'm going to attempt to spend the rest of the night doing my reading and prep for the classes I'm eventually going to have this week. Better do it now than worry about it later I suppose

unsure

This is the problem with waking up at 1pm--half your day is gone and you have accomplished nothing. I did manage to clean the kitchen and living room, but somehow I don't feel good about it, like I've still wasting my time on things that aren't important.

I should do some work, translate some sources for my thesis, work on things that need to get done, but the fact that my loan company has screwed up my repayment schedule and the library and gym are closed doesn't really endear me to the idea of trying to do anything productive. I am constantly aware of the fact that I have less than four months to find an a place to live and a plan for my life, and I'm unsure and scared and being unproductive doesn't help at all. I know I need to get off my butt and do something, but I still feel like I have no idea what it is that I need to do.

the in-crowd

It's quite something to watch 5 million people all walking towards the same location. There is a concert on the National Mall today, and, had I not just awoken myself, I'm sure I would be one of them. Instead I'm sitting inside, blogging, like the lame person I am, and plan to open my window about the time the concert starts to see what all the fuss is about.

Aside from a random fire drill last night at around 2am, the weekend so far has been pretty low key. Not going to make any judgements about the weekend yet though.

personal pep talk

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly I can cycle from perfectly all right to insecure and scared. Of course, this is my future that we're talking about here, so I suppose that a little anxiety is understandable. I have plans for correcting the insecurities, but sitting around listening to other people talk about their grand plans just makes me feel...scared I guess. I should keep perspective on the whole thing; not everyone knows how their life is going to work out when they graduate from undergrad. I just wish I had more of an idea than what i have right now. I wish I had a better plan, or a more well defined plan at least.

Just stick to your resolutions, right? Do what's best for you and take things as they come. Breathe.

resolve

My New Year's resolutions are as thus:
--to be a more healthy person
--to get into a pattern of exercising regularly
--to improve my mental attitude towards life

I don't know how all this is going to go, but so far everything seems okay. I certainly think its all worth the effort in the long run, whatever the long run may be.

My classes appear to be going well so far. I'm getting ready for my History of Modern Japan class at the moment, something I know quite a bit about. I accidentally slept through a class already, but I don't predict that it should be a problem in the future. It is my last semester after all. I feel that I should be getting my money's worth from this whole experience. Tomorrow I plan to make an appearance at the Career Center to look into options post May 17th. I also plan on beginning my regime at the health and wellness center tomorrow morning, waking up early and getting on track to forming a habit of being active.

Obviously, anyone who had been paying attention things over the past couple of weeks knows that things in DC are getting pretty active in preparation for the Inauguration. The construction that has been going on for years has been suddenly completed. Streets that haven't been cleaned in months are suddenly spotless. The price of food is absolutely insane; a week's worth of groceries cost me about as much as I could ususally get for two or more weeks. Security on campus, where I live, has been increased tenfold. From Monday afternoon, there is a no-drive-zone being imposed on the campus. Rent-a-cops are supposed to be checking IDs all over the place. Guests have to be registered with the university, and there are rumors that Secret Service and the National Guard may also be present. Amid all this, there is just so much to do that I'm starting to get really excited about the whole thing. There's a huge free concert Sunday afternoon, with Bruce Springsteen, Beyonce, Mary J Blige, Bono, and soooo many others, all right on the National Mall. Of course there is the parade, and then the Inauguration itself. I haven't decided which I'll be going to. It's supposed to be some ridiculous degree of cold outside that day, and perhaps with a chance of rain. Somehow though, I think it would be waste of my four years here if I didn't show my face at the Inauguration. Screaming my head off, surrounded by 5 million or so people who are doing the same... there is just something appealing about it that may not be apparent from my description. I was at the White House after the election results were read, and feeling the energy coming from those people was one of the most incredible experiences. I imagine that, despite the difference in the size of the crowd, the feeling that I would have being there would be much of the same. Besides, how many chances do you have to be present at the inauguration of the first African-American president after all?

back in fuzzy bunny slippers

We have a new roommate this semester. If I wasn't still absolutely fed up with the crap that my roommate and her illegal boyfriend keep pulling, I might care. As it is I'm just hoping that this is someone who is going to stand up for herself. It would make me incredibly happy.

Tomorrow is the first day of my last semester as an undergrad. Holy shit I don't think I'm ready for this. I'm supposed to have all the time in the world.

I've had too much to do to write, but now that I'm back in school and procrastinating away, I think it's time to come up with something fun to say about life, the universe, and everything. Just perhaps not when I'm sick and tryng to avoid the above mentioned topics.