The Ghost of Holiday Future

Thanksgiving was quite the event. Lots of food, lots of booze, lots of dancing. Today, lots of Black Friday shopping. I, however, am punishing myself since I did not get my paper done on time, and have been left at home so that I can finally finish this thing and send it on its way. Not the m post awesome holiday plans, but as I've said this is really more of a punishment than a plan. Of course, this does not mean that my concentration is where it should be at all, nor does it mean that I seem likely to be finishing this anytime soon. I carry some hope with me though.

It was interesting to be invited to another family's Thanksgiving, full of Spanish that I didn't understand and different food to try. For example the stuffing was nearly all meat, instead of the normal bread stuffing that we make at home. No green bean casserole, just green beans. And a conspicuous (at least to me) lack of cresent rolls that I would have normally spent my entire meal consuming. Nonetheless, it was quite good, and it was much like a UN dinner with all the different nationalities we eventually had represented. My cheesecake was gone in less than 15 minutes, I've been told, so I assume that was a success. It's been so long since I've made a cheesecake though, I feel like I should have stretched myself a little more for something more daring than just a pain New York style with strawberries. But then again, that is what my family is for after all. I was just excited to have been invted to someone's house; to be included in festivities and not be sitting alone on campus with nothing to do and no one to be with. On the other hand, since I have officially decided to seek gainful employment next year instead of applying to law school, this will more likely than not be the last such year that I can afford to go somewhere.

I find myself thinking about that a lot lately, not just the future but the important holidays as well. Where am I going to be a year from now? Will I have somewhere to go for Thanksgiving? What about Christmas? This could well be my last holiday season with my family for a while, unless someone decideds to pay for my way back to California. I can't decide if its just a strange thought or a depressing one. Someday I hope to have my own new little family to spend these holidays with. A husband (god willing), maybe some kids. Despite the fact that we are quite some ways away from that, it's just something that I think about sometimes, especially when I'm considering that in such a short time I'm going to be on my own and trying to make my way in the real world. Honestly, I'm scared not to be a student anymore, but this is the choice that I had to make, and I'm not going to shirk from it just because it's difficult. Everyone has to grow up sometime. I'm farther along than most, I think, but I still have a ways to go. I wonder what it's going to be like, making that first Thanksgiving for the people I care about rather than having someone else make it for me. I think I am looking forward to that future, even if just in between being terrified of it.