beautiful let-down

I've been sitting at my computer studying diligently for the past seven or so hours, right up until the time that I decided to stop and check on some of my other grades which were posted online tonight. I thought I had done decently on one quiz in one of my classes, but when I saw my grade...I just don't feel like concentrating anymore. It's stupid, because there isn't anything I can do about it now, and I need to prepare for my exam tomorrow, but I can't help but be disappointed in myself for whatever it was that I did that was wrong. It makes me feel tired like I wasn't before. I suppose its exhausting to prepare so hard for something only to realize that you still didn't meet your expectations. I don't know what else I can do.

I know I need to just suck it up for now, learn from my mistakes and do really well on the other grades I have for that class. I still have some chances to make things up and get a decent grade--I just need to believe that I can actually accomplish that I guess. Until I can do something about it, I should also be studying for that final I have to take tomorrow and then trying to get some sleep. Sometimes, you just need a little distraction from all the things that are bothering you.

I have been really missing my pseudo-ex boyfriend lately. We've been talking on the phone a lot over the past couple weeks, and it just reminds me how much I liked him in the first place. I wish things could be different, but I know that they aren't. Sometimes it just makes me bitter. I hope that going home and seeing him isn't a huge mistake. I hope I'm able to realize that I need to keep him an pseudo-ex-boyfriend instead of getting into something I don't want and am not ready for. So many conflicting emotions. I wish I could just see into people's heads sometimes. It would make decision making a lot easier.