The Ghost of Holiday Future

Thanksgiving was quite the event. Lots of food, lots of booze, lots of dancing. Today, lots of Black Friday shopping. I, however, am punishing myself since I did not get my paper done on time, and have been left at home so that I can finally finish this thing and send it on its way. Not the m post awesome holiday plans, but as I've said this is really more of a punishment than a plan. Of course, this does not mean that my concentration is where it should be at all, nor does it mean that I seem likely to be finishing this anytime soon. I carry some hope with me though.

It was interesting to be invited to another family's Thanksgiving, full of Spanish that I didn't understand and different food to try. For example the stuffing was nearly all meat, instead of the normal bread stuffing that we make at home. No green bean casserole, just green beans. And a conspicuous (at least to me) lack of cresent rolls that I would have normally spent my entire meal consuming. Nonetheless, it was quite good, and it was much like a UN dinner with all the different nationalities we eventually had represented. My cheesecake was gone in less than 15 minutes, I've been told, so I assume that was a success. It's been so long since I've made a cheesecake though, I feel like I should have stretched myself a little more for something more daring than just a pain New York style with strawberries. But then again, that is what my family is for after all. I was just excited to have been invted to someone's house; to be included in festivities and not be sitting alone on campus with nothing to do and no one to be with. On the other hand, since I have officially decided to seek gainful employment next year instead of applying to law school, this will more likely than not be the last such year that I can afford to go somewhere.

I find myself thinking about that a lot lately, not just the future but the important holidays as well. Where am I going to be a year from now? Will I have somewhere to go for Thanksgiving? What about Christmas? This could well be my last holiday season with my family for a while, unless someone decideds to pay for my way back to California. I can't decide if its just a strange thought or a depressing one. Someday I hope to have my own new little family to spend these holidays with. A husband (god willing), maybe some kids. Despite the fact that we are quite some ways away from that, it's just something that I think about sometimes, especially when I'm considering that in such a short time I'm going to be on my own and trying to make my way in the real world. Honestly, I'm scared not to be a student anymore, but this is the choice that I had to make, and I'm not going to shirk from it just because it's difficult. Everyone has to grow up sometime. I'm farther along than most, I think, but I still have a ways to go. I wonder what it's going to be like, making that first Thanksgiving for the people I care about rather than having someone else make it for me. I think I am looking forward to that future, even if just in between being terrified of it.

procrastinate!

One hour and forty-five minutes before my last paper is due, and what am I doing? Procrastinating in every way possible, including talking to myself, cleaning my apartment, and writing blogs about how I should be doing my paper but am instead procrastinating by writing a blog about how I should be doing my paper. Oh yes, this is going to be a great example of how well I can bullshit about international relations theory.

Can my paper be done now?

The library and Harry Potter are our friends. The papers that we are supposed to be writing are not.

Thanksgiving week does tend to make a college campus quiet, with students ducking out of classes early to go home and others crowding into the library to try to get done those last couple of papers before the holiday. I am definitely of the latter group, though I am really looking forward to this trip to New York on Wednesday. I still have much to do before then, including buying something for my friend's parents who invited me to their house and surviving the pre-Thanksgiving party on Tuesday night. First of course is the work that I have to get done before then. Tibet has never quite seemed so boring.

I have mixed feelings about this holiday season, spending it with the family of someone else when I could be spending it by myself. I think that all-in-all this will be a good thing though, since it is definitely my first time to get to go to New York, and I would be insane to pass up an almost entirely paid vacation. Besides, my friends are nice, and I'm sure that I wouldn't have been invited if I wasn't really welcome. I just don't know how this is going to quite fit in with my studying and my papers and things that I have to do. I know if I stayed home the chances of me actually getting work done are decent, but I also know that it would be depressing as all hell. I haven't had a Thanksgiving since freshman year, and I feel like I would really be passing something up if I decided to stay here alone this last year. I guess I will just have to work hard and pull myself together while trying to have a good time. Lest it be more than just my grades suffering at the end of this year.

Back to my paper. Ugh....

Pre-Thanksgiving blues

An entire weekend wasted and little to nothing to show for my trouble. My paper is just as far from being complete as it was before the weekend started, and the way things are feeling right now I have absolutely no desire to start the other one either. I have the TV going in the background and some caffeine sitting next to me, but somehow all I can think about is how upset I am with my grades this semester and how I just have to do better than I am. Perhaps I can get sensei to take some pity on me for being sick when I took that one very unfortunate quiz, or I can do much much better on the next quiz. I feel like I was so much less productive this weekend than I should have been, and I'm rather upset with myself in addition to the stress that I'm feeling right now in the wake of needing to complete my papers and my regular homework.

On the plus side, Thanksgiving is this week, so I only have two days of classes to muddle through and then I can relax and enjoy a weekend in New York. I just have to actually make it that far first. Sheesh...

Unproductive

Right about now I would enjoy moving into the country and eating lots and lots of peaches. There are several reasons for this, some of which include: the building manager has turned up the heat inside so we are cooking instead of freezing, I have a literary Japanese test tomorrow, and my job is terrible and almost isn't worth how much I get paid. But then again, Obama won yesterday night and I had a rousing good time marching down to the White House with the rest of the drunk kids on campus and yelling obscenities through the iron gates. I'm so glad I stayed here instead of going to U of Chicago.

I leave tomorrow to go spend the weekend with my sister and my nephew, who is getting bigger and bigger every time I talk to her. I went kinda crazy again today, so I have lots of things to give the new family, including mostly Christmas stuff that I am looking forward to giving them in anticipation of Rohan's first holiday season. I wish I could be there with them this year. I am very drawn towards my sister, and I feel like I am the person closest to her in the family. My stepsister was lost to us when she decided to marry her husband, and I guess I feel that I can't bear the idea of that happening with my sister as well. Besides, my nephew is adorable, and any chance to be around him is welcomed by me.

I should be studying or something. I feel so unproductive.