Expectations

Not everything goes the way you want it. I find that lately I am falling short of my own expectations--my grades, my scores, my personal life--it constantly feels like I'm failing myself somehow. I don't think that I need to revise my standards. I think that the expectations that I have set for myself are not too high, but somehow my short comings still need to the addressed. I need a new, more rigorous study program for the second test. I need a new plan for my studies, keeping up with my homework and projects. I need a new exercise regiment, something to keep my body as active as my mind. More than anything, I need to have more faith in myself and my abilities. I need to think that I can achieve what I want, even if I have to work harder than some others to get there. I'm not like everyone else I know. Perhaps some people test better that others, and many other people's parents can afford for them to take courses that will help bring up their scores. I'm not one of those people, so I just need to do the best I can with what I have. If my second scores are high enough to meet my standards, than perhaps I can convince the schools that I'm interested in that my first test was a complete fluke. I have a lot riding on this test, and perhaps if my second goes as poorly as my first, then maybe at that point I need to consider the possibility of an MA program instead of a JD. I don't want to feel like I have gotten to that point. I don't want to fail at something that I feel would be in my best interests.

yay autumn!

Light send that I have never been one of those disgusting girlfriends that I've been seeing other people be in the past couple of weeks. I had to leave my room yesterday because the displays of affection from one of my roommates and her boyfriend was so uncomfortable. There doesn't seem to be any good reason for people to be that open in public. It's really a little ridiculous.

I accidentally skipped class this morning because I can't tell the snooze button from the dismiss button on my phone. I think this means that I need a real alarm clock. I hate spending money.

Other than that, the heat wave finally broke and the Washington D.C. area has been enjoying some glorious fall weather. I love it when it starts to get cool outside, time to break out the jackets and scarves and gloves. The crispness of the air is so refreshing; it just makes me want to grab a warm drink and sit outside and read. The colors of the leaves on the trees and the little bit of frost on your window when you wake up in the morning... Fall is definitely one of my favorite seasons. Sure, spring is pretty and all, but there is just something about that cool crisp autumn day that just can't be beat.

Remember: for those of you who are voting by absentee ballot, you should have already received it and remembered to mail it back in. I did my civic duty yesterday, and it felt great. You may not think that your vote has any effect, but it does more than you know.

Idle thoughts

At least no one can say that this wasn't a predictable result of me trying to juggle just one too many activities and getting caught up in the process.

My senior year. Hard to believe that I've finally gotten this far. So close to where I want to be, but so far from knowing what the hell that even is. I'm sitting at my desk trying to type out something about American power, trying to make thoughts come together and things make sense, but all in all I think that my time would be better spent sleeping or reading. I guess those are just the things that I want to do, not really what would be better for me. It's an interesting question though--American power. So many things to consider. Myself, I think that the reason why the United States is seen as being in a unique position from the previous leaders of the international system is because we made the face of the earth look the way it does, from the international institutions to the widespread virtues of American democracy. Now only if I could make my paper say all that without having to try too hard....

I want a job that I can hold down while still pursuing my interests: reading and writing and playing with nerdy video games and my cats. I am more than ready and willing to spend some time alone, as much time as I can handle at the moment. The one good thing about this year sucking as much as it has, I feel like I'm finally starting to level off, with no insane mood swings and no random crying over stupid things. I feel like I'm finally getting somewhere. We'll see how long that lasts.

Oh well. I hope I can make it to December without wetting myself. That new Kingdom Hearts games is looking mighty tasty...